::Soundtrack for unabashed writing:  Pandora channel – Tones on Tail::

Happy Hello B-Siders!

To start my very first public post in this world of blogging I am going to begin at the beginning, at the very beginning.

Somewhere around 5am in July of 1967, in Boulder Colorado, I flipped inside my mother’s womb, so that I would emerge into this world, in breach of contract, feet first, head last – too shy to just pop out and scream my being into the faces of strangers. In the almost 45 years since, I have managed to proceed through life similarly backasswards, introverted, yet flip and spontaneous.

Ergo, I am not the A-Side song: polished, professionally produced and immediately accessible. Rather, no matter the effort, I am the B-Side song.

NO – Not that crappy song that came on the flip-side of your new  favorite 45″ single!

I am the remixed version, the second effort that needed more thought,  more acoustic levels, extended time and proper re-dubbing. I am your favorite club song, your former girlfriend’s best friend, that alt++ song that requires headphones as others might wonder about your now diminishing coolness factor if they could hear your musical choices and then assume to know your secrets.

I chose B-Movie’s “Nowhere Girl” to represent my first post for these reasons:

  1. I can’t get it out of my head.  In September of 2008, I made the uncanny decision to take a few months off from my computer contracting gigs, and then the banks fell, the recession hit and jobs in my field become a 1-500 shot of acquiring. I had a few opportunities to keep afloat, plus UI, but I now find myself renting a room in a house in a cow town in Montana. No car, no place to walk to, needing a ride from already busy people to get groceries and run errands. Yeah, I put myself here, I am not asking for sympathy. The question is:  Why am I here, in the middle of nowhere and what unfulfilled and heretofore unacknowledged, unconscious dream has brought me here?
  2. It has a really cool intro that I think you will dig the mostest. You may listen to the extended version here:
    The lyrics are posted with the song and you will see that Nowhere Girl doesn’t go outside (maybe she doesn’t have a car either?) and prefers to hide (well, that just comes with living in the country – who is to even see you to say whether you are hiding or not?). But my favorite lines, the ones most appropriate to my often self-sabotaging lifestyle are these:
    “Nowhere girl in self-imposed exile.
    Nowhere girl, a martyr-like denial.”
  3. Lastly, with approaching July and my 45th birthday, I find myself smack in the middle of a good ole-fashioned midlife crisis. And like any good ole-fashioned midlife crisis done properly, I am mentally spending too much time on re-living my youth and listening to the music that filled my passionate, yet afflicted, doleful soul of yore.

What were my goals, my dreams back in my teens and twenties? Why did my life UberRock back then and how can I make it do the same now? I may be too old, or let’s say too much of a lady, to hang out in bars in fishnets, ripped mini-skirts and pink hair. But hey, I am in the country, in self-imposed exile, and who is to see me anyway? This is all to say, I can’t get some of the songs of my youth out of my head and I don’t feel it’s such a bad thing to bang your head for a while as you check that youthful ideals and dreams are not totally compromised. My Harley Davidson boots and blue hair are my authentic self and I am comfortable, in this moment.

Do you have similar experiences, feelings or B-Side desires? Let me know because this Nowhere Girl can’t wait to hear about your flip-side slice-o-life!

See ya on the B-Side!